I was doing a murder mystery on Sunday and I was sitting next to a blow hard asshole know-it-all big talker who didn’t shut up through the whole dinner. It was a little hard to stay in character.

At one point he said “I don’t believe this crap that people fear public speaking more than death.” I responded that I am not afraid of death. I think when you are dead you don’t really know any better. On the other hand, I am afraid of being killed/dying. You know strangulation, stabbing, shot, drowning, bleeding out…that kind of stuff scares me a little. So I said as much to this guy. And he says half looking at me, half at his (male) dinner partner and says “So you are saying if I held a gun to your head and said talk to 200 people or I shoot you. You would rather be shot?” I kind of blew him off, since, um, I was acting in a improv murder mystery in front of 75 people. I knew if I engaged him he would just keep going.

But since then I have had more time to think. I think he is missing the whole point of what fear is. Sure, no one would rather be shot than speak in front of people, but that’s not the point. I don’t see it as comparing one fear to another. If you asked me what my biggest fear is I would say heights. I would not say death, because I am not really afraid of death. I don’t want to die, and probably given a choice I would choose standing on the edge of the pyramid at Chichen Itza over death, but you didn’t ask me that. You asked me what my biggest fear is.

So what do you think? Is he right? Are we wrong to say we fear something more than death? What do you fear most of all?